The struggle is real.
Only a month and Three days away until the departue of the SugarLand/West U/ Kingwood wilderness trip!!
Its been awesome seeing every one work Hard for their spots. The work outs have been getting harder, longer, hotter, but through the struggle we have all been coming out as champs. I am grateful to be apart of this experince with you guys.
Only a few more weeks until all fund raising is due. From what I have seen, it seems likes every one is making great progress, and is truely putting their all in this.
This past month may have been the harderest for some, some of you guys are not used to putting their all in to something as beautiful as the trip. This is not easy work, in my experince; it has been a huge test on my faith, perserverence and integrity. I dont exactly enjoy working out every friday and sunday, or going beyond to get uncomfortable and ask for donations. But I know it has been a huge reward. The self esteem that comes in this work is refreshing. Stuff like completing out patient, and completing wilderness trips is the biggest reassurance that i am capable of completing what ever i want to do.
Personally, I have finished all my fundraising, and paer work, and a lot of you other guys have finished too, or are almost there. The one thing that i have to beat in my mind is that I Am not intitled to this trip, I am still in houston. The hardest for me with these trips has been- staying present, and working a program. It can be very easy for me to sit back and coast, and just let the days add up until we all leave. But I still have a commitment, to my self and the group. That is; I am going to keep showing up, being honest, work with others, and connect with as many fools as I can. But the Utah air is not far away. I am So excited for this trip. I dont have any idea of who I am going to patrol with, or anything like that. But I am looking forward for the opportunity of really crushing my selfishness, and building a ton of new friendships with people. I dont really have any expectations of whats going to happen, But I know that It is going to be amazing, and its exactly what god wants me to do. I Have some fears of going out there though. Because this year, there will not be a sugarland patrol. Last year I had a bunch of my close friends on my team. But this year, I am going to be out there with some new guys. I still have insecuritys of not being funny enough, or cool enough, and the people on my team wont like me. I am afriad of being an outcast, and also just taking risks of being vulnerable with new people. But for the most part, I am going to stay in today.
Lately my Life has been pretty good. After Last friday It just hit me that my word doesnt mean much, and I have a huge problem with blowing things off, being a flake, which causes a bunch of avoidence in my life. I was not honoring what I committed to for the group, the ALP, committee, or my self. I was falling short in a lot of areas. My heart was in the right place, my intentions were good, but selfishness had me at best. After friday i was not okay with blowing things off. It clicked in my head that, i am misearble and have low selfesteem, because I keep letting my self down by not being a man to my word. But Ever since, I have been in complete action mode, and have been doing what i say im going to do, working hard, showing up. I worked my way back in to second stage, which was huge pay off for me. It felt good to really earn my spot in second stage. I was able to sit in SS, and not feel so awkward or insecure, or have to avoid anything. I was able to sit there and soak in everything we were talking about. Idk, today i feel great, i feel free, and god is revealing him self to me. I am going to keep working.
cant wait to see you guys at the work out.